There’s something I’ve been wanting to write about for almost a year now. I’ve never actually sat down to write about it because I haven’t even been sure where to start.
On Monday when I was out on a walk with my boy, ideas about the topic were running through my head. I got out my phone to record some thoughts with the intention of using them as an outline so I could craft the article later.
When I got home and listened to the recording, I decided not to craft anything.
Instead, I’m sharing this decidedly un-crafted audio with you.
I want you to hear me panting in the Texas heat. I want you to hear cars driving by. I want you to hear me searching for a word and not being able to find it.
If I took the time to craft these thoughts, you wouldn’t hear the edge in my voice because I would polish, neutralize, and make safe. But the edge…I’m a little embarrassed by it in some places, but it’s there because it’s honest. It’s there because these are the things that I say to myself when no one else is listening.
So here I am: raw, vulnerable, and unedited.
Why I’m done with dreaming big:
All the websites and programs urging us to “dream big”… as if the size of your dreams really matter.
And I really love the sentiment behind the dream big…not initiative is the right word…push…whatever. You know, the message is “Believe that what you want is not wild and crazy, but is attainable.” “Believe that you can have the life you think is out of reach.” I’m 100% behind that. I just don’t believe that for everyone it means traveling the world or making a million dollars, owning a boat, those kinds of things.
I, in my 20s, I guess I did more dreaming big, but for me it was never about money and things. It was about art. It was about achievement. And it was about adventure. And I was on television, and I moved to California, and lived in Los Angeles and I performed beautiful, moving, breathtaking shows with an amazing ensemble. And I watched my IMDB star-meter slowly start to rise. And I had friends on Facebook that had achieved some level of celebrity. And that was what dreaming big meant for me then.
Now, I don’t do dreaming big. I still have dreams but they’re not…They’re small dreams, they’re simple.
I wanna…I wanna have time to read my son books. I wanna have meaningful conversations with my partner when we’re both not too tired to use big words. I wanna see my family for a long weekend. I wanna continue to grow this business that I’ve poured so much into.
And that’s not big, but it’s mine. And I will take my dream over someone else’s big dream any day of the week.
So that’s why I’m done with dreaming big. I’ll be dreaming Laura-sized, and if it looks pedestrian or small to anyone else, I wish them well on their first-class flight to Thailand. But for now, I’ll be here, reading my son a book, having the perfect cup of tea, and being content with that.
I’m happy to report that following our walk, I sat down to read my boy a book.
Know someone who has small dreams? Share this with them.