There she is: successful, put-together, and seems genuinely happy with her career in a way that secretly annoys you.

“What’s so great about her?” you think.

(Ugh, you kind of know the answer already. Barf.)

But the real question is,

“Why don’t I have what she has?”

And that one hurts. Because why don’t you? What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you strong enough, smart enough, rich enough, pretty enough, married enough, degreed enough or WHATEVER enough to have the kind of career success she has?

It would be nice to chalk it all up to luck. And I bet luck has played a part. But if we’re being honest, a small part. The stars may have aligned for her on a few things, but I can tell you this for sure:

Girlfriend is taking action that you’re not.

Yeah. Let’s talk about the real reasons she has the career you want.

Why She Has the Career You Want

1 | She knows what she wants

For most people, clarity around knowing what you want is an earned state. She didn’t wake up one morning in her 800 thread count bedsheets and have a revelation as soon as her eyes popped open. Nope, she worked for that. She grappled with questions like:

Who am I, really?
What do I believe in?
When I die, what will I want people to remember about me?
If there wasn’t anything in my way, what would I try to do?
Do I want that because I really want it, or do I just want it because someone else has it?
What am I willing to give up in order to have it?

2 | She nominates herself

She does not sit around and hope to be noticed. She picks herself. She self-selects. She steps forward. She says yes. She does this because she knows that she’s valuable and has something to contribute. She know the power of audacity. And that most of the time, things that feel really audacious are just about sending an email, making a phone call, or building a website.

Related: Ever Feel Like a Nobody?

3 | She takes risks

She’s not reckless, but she doesn’t play it safe and small, either. She doesn’t always know if she can pull it off. She tries, anyway.

Related: Why You Should Go For It

4 | She recovers from failure

She knows that failure (and success, for that matter) do not define her. When she fails, she lets herself feel whatever embarrassment or disappointment there is. She talks with her trusted inner circle. She journals. She makes lists. She assesses what went wrong, why, and how to make it better next time. She gets back up and tries again.

5 | She gets support

She’d be a fool to think she can do it all on her own. Girlfriend has some besties on speed-dial. She hires mentors, coaches, and experts. She gets a baby-sitter. Or a cleaning service. She taps out when she needs a break. She’s not afraid to ask for help. She knows it doesn’t make her weak. She’s stronger when she has support.

6 | She focuses

Back to knowing what she wants…she goes for it, one step at a time. She says no “opportunities” that would distract her from her immediate goal. She does her best not to compare herself to others. She doesn’t try to be everything to everyone. Sister is ambitious. When she wants something, she gets all eye of the tiger on it and doesn’t look around the rest of the jungle.

7 | She makes trade-offs

She most certainly does not “have it all.” And that’s just fine with her. Because she has what she truly wants, and the trade-offs she makes feel totally worth it. So the next time you’re feeling jealous of her, remember that there are things she wants in her life or career that she doesn’t have (yet). The difference is, she’s ok with that.

8 | She evolves

She’s always learning and growing. She’s willing to change. She wants to improve. She’s open to pivoting, reinventing, and just plain starting over.

9 | She’s visible

She lets herself be seen. She doesn’t hide in the shadows. In fact, sometimes she says, “Hey, everybody! Look over here at what I’m doing!” But she knows it’s not just about making noise. Sometimes she says the unpopular thing that needs to be said. She shares her ideas. She speaks up in the group. She’s stands there unadorned, without spectacle, and says, calmly, clearly, “This is me.”

10 | She’s been at this longer than you

Building a successful, fulfilling career takes time.